I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
