Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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