i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
