I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your penis caused this!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
