You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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