I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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