4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
