Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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