Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
