First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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