True but thats because hes a fetus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who died my cat blue again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
