I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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