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and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
