she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
