saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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