Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
