I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Found the puke drawer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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