I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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