so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
