Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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