We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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