Non-Jews are for practice
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
