I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We got so high we made milksteak
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize