your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
