I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
