are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
