guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
