I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
