Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
