What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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