my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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