I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
