Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
