I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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