Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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