I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
