I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
