The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
