How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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