Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
