Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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