I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
