I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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