I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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