i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
