went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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