Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
