In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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