I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
