I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
