I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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