I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
