I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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