you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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