and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
