There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
