I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
