i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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