I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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