i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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