i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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