my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
