Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
