my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
