I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the condom got lost in my hair
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
