I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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