Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that's an acceptable place to lick
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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