Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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