I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
