I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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