I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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