I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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