i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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