we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
